Comments on: Generation X’er Child vs. Boomer Parent

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 02:11:48 +0000

@ Jett, thank you for your comment!!! I am going through the same thing with my mother and have begun to realize that the relationship with my mother will never change it will always be an argument of me vs. her. I am expected to listen to endless stories of how she was abused as a child but can never bring up what she did to me ,which is just as bad as anything she ever received.

To let go of the past requires more than just saying “I am sorry”, it means not repeating the behavior or trying to make a reasonable effort to curb the behavior. There are those of us that have put up with attitudes that are narcissistic and can no longer wait for these people to change their lives, our own lives have become toxic in dealing with these self indulged, hateful people and if we want to survive we must break free from their spell.

Years of fighting with my mother have taken me to places so low I don’t even want to go there; all I can say is that friends, family, jobs and homes have been lost and everyday is a day that I spend worrying about her stability and health vs. looking after my own. My life is now to the point that my health and well being are threatened and it’s time to start looking after myself, my mother has resources that I do not.

It’s time for many GenX’rs to quit being guilted about being born/ruining our parents lives and time for us as children to demand that our parents grow up and start taking responsibility for their actions and begin to start acting like adults, not just financially but emotionally as well.

By: Dave Sohigian

Dave Sohigian — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 12:43:26 +0000

@Christina I agree that Alice Walker is an extreme of that Boomer ideological bent. She is the “shadow side” of the independent, free-thinking Boomer generation, the individual who turn into what you rightly describe as a “malignant narcissist”. And Rebecca, with how she has publicly turned on her famous mother show some of the shadow side of Generation X: cynical, alienated and unconcerned with appearances. This story is a microcosm of the negative relationship between these two generations. Changing those relationships takes growth on both sides.

By: Dave Sohigian

Dave Sohigian — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 12:38:46 +0000

@Jett, thanks for your thoughtful comment. X’er (born 1961-1981) adult relationships with their Boomer (born 1943-1960) and Silent (born 1961-1981) parents can be a minefield. My Mother and Father (both Silents) struggled to give us a sound upbringing amid the social chaos of the 60′s and 70′s and made many poor choices during that time. But as adults they have both let much of that go and have decided to be good parents and grandparents in their own ways. I think they both realize you can’t go back and change history but that you can change the present moment. And rather than trying to push aside the enormous guilt that they could feel for how they raised my siblings and me, they have chosen to change that picture for us, and our children, in the present moment.

By: Jett

Jett — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 07:08:03 +0000

I’ve read a few Alice Walker novels and in retrospect, I don’t remember any of her
book characters being particularly concerned with motherhood. They all pretty much centered
around a theme of womens rights. Hmm.

My mom is the same way. She creates a bubble of delusion around herself in which reality is warped. I had to grow up and stay away a long time to become disentangled from her
warped reality. I tried to make friends with her but if I don’t allow her to rewrite history and blame my innocent sibs and me for her mistakes and neglect, I get shut out and abandoned
by her for years while she spreads dirt about me to the rest of the family. Its extremely toxic
and I have decided that its not that important to have her in my life.

I know it hurts Rebecca very much but sometimes its better to not let people in your life
who attempt to control and manipulate you no matter who they are. Mothers are not always
well meaning although they do love their children always. Sometimes they have emotional Munchausen by Proxy in which they gain pity by neglecting and emotionally abusing their children and then feeding off the pity they get from everyone else because they have a “bad child” who is “so mean”.

Very deep subject. Thanks for posting.

By: Christina

Christina — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 05:27:09 +0000

Rebecca’s mother sounds far worse than an ideological Boomer who ignored her daughter and concentrated on her own success – she sounds like a malignant narcissist. I am “resigning from being your mother?” What a terrible thing to say to anyone!

Alice Walker sounds like a terrible person to be related to.